The “lawyer guy”… How do you tell a straight man that he’s most likely gay?
Speaking of the “lawyer guy”… never in my life have I been so confused about the orientation of a “straight” man. So this guy IM’s me a week or so ago to say hi. He found me in the Portland 2 room @ yahoo! He’s kinda cute, not really my type but super sweet. Turns out, he’s a lawyer here in Portland and lives in a loft in my favorite building in the pearl district of downtown Portland, OR. (It also happens to be only about 18 blocks from my apartment on the same street.)
All right, here is the problem… it takes up forever to meet because by the time he gets off work every day, he says he’s wiped out. I on the other hand, enjoy going out to socialize every day! If we do hook up, what kind of relationship would that be? A LAME one!!! So I have been procrastinating! But the loft… and I saw pictures… and it’s my favorite building… and it’s beautiful… and I want to live there. Its soooooo pretty!
So I finally arrange a time to meet my lawyer, he ends up cancelling early that morning then calling at like 6pm to tell me he was feeling better and that we should meet after all. By the time I get to his place it was pretty late and I had a HUGE event in the morning that I was hosting. I couldn’t stay late so we decided on a game of Scrabble.
I went over to meet my “lawyer guy” in cargo pants, a t-shirt (my typical casual style) and a pair of fuzzy green slippers. I get there and everything about this building is amazing! Its soooooo pretty! The lobby is contemporary with leather and chrome furniture and colored back lighting under frosted glass. (I love the industrial look!) I am in heaven and I’m freakin out cause man, I want to live here!!!
So I get upstairs and yeah… he is SO Gay!!! I don’t mean gay like the slang somebody use to insinuate lame, no… I mean gay like GAY! NOT STRAIGHT!!! Polo boy, Prada shoes, Abercrombie jeans, pin stripe button up shirt with a blue sweater vest GAY! Now don’t get me wrong, I love the gay boys. I would even consider myself a Fag Hag. But I love the gay boys when they are actually gay, not straight gay wanting to date me gay? Arrrggggggggg!!! He is tall and thin like… I could break something if I breathe on him wrong thin, why work out, chicks will dig me cause I went to Stanford and my nose never left my books, I was raised by my mother thin. Gay and thin! So gay!!! So No Problem! I can do this! So we play scrabble, he kicks my ass of course… Mr. Stanford education… big tough scrabble player! I even think he was being easy on me. Now it’s late… did the gay guy just ask me to stay the night? Um Yeah??? There is no way a straight man could be this feminine? So we move to the couch and now he’s complimenting me, grabbing my knee (Classic move, poorly executed, I give it a 3 at best.) and has a very large, very obvious erection… (Did I mention that he also has horrible breath and BO? I thought he said he was brushing his teeth before I got there?) and… he’s leaning in to kiss me! What? Hes Gay!!! I quickly turned away and excused myself. I went home… alone! That may have been the last time I get to go to that apartment… *sigh* He did invite me for dinner sometime.
We will see but I am not sure the money is worth it. Damn my conscious and my finicky taste in men!!!
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dude, a gay guy would not have bad bo and breath. What I find disturbing is that he wouldn’t brush his teeth or take a shower or spray on some particularly gay cologne, if he knew somoene was coming over. That is a weirdo straight man.