I am shattered… time has stopped for me… I can do nothing put play on repeat in my mind the scene of them kissing in the kitchen window over and over and over. How amazing his arms looked and how horrible if felt knowing that I was not the one to be in them. It put me to sleep last night then woke me up this morning. My stomach is in a knot and I feel like such a fool! My God did I witness their first kiss? Why? Why then? Why couldn’t they have waited for me to go home? It was supposed to me my night. My time alone with him… I needed that. I haven’t felt this way about somebody in a long time; even without the time to get to know him. Maybe I wouldn’t have liked him sooooo much. Maybe I just needed to hear him say no. Why was he too nice of a guy to say no? He’s not afraid of anything?
Arrghhhh there it is again… them kissing in the window. Tonight he was supposed to tell me that he just wanted to be friends. Tonight was the night that with a little help from the wine I would get my closure, my “I’m so glad that you are my friend” hug. I knew it wasn’t me but I didn’t know that it was anybody else either. I didn’t want to know. Not tonight! Not any night but tonight! Why did it have to happen on my night, why did I have to find out this way? I’m such a fool! I left hurt and running and everybody knows.
It’s not her fault… I am shattered…
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